Free Advice

14 03 2007

Don’t Fart in Bed

If this story doesn’t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know
and I’ll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.

The only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting
loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because
it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one
day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for
dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put
the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a
malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep
and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband
of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she
rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she
reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she
asked him what was the matter.

He said, “Honey, you were right.” “All these years you have warned me
and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts
out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.”

Credit to Mother for sending this along

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